Fighting Demons, Spiritual Warfare
As a Christian goth, I am aware of the spiritual things of life. In the goth community some people are into witchcraft, Wicca, the occult, sorcery,casting spells and etc. Some are very aware of the supernatural and dabble in things they probably shouldn’t. Since I don’t involve myself in the occult because of my Christian beliefs, my view of spiritual things,the supernatural and how involved I should be differs in contrast to other goths. In the past, I dabbled in occultic things,because of curiosity,but renounced it when I became born again.
I have read the bible and my belief is more in line with what is mentioned there. The bible describes demons,evil spirits,principalities, thrones,dominions and spiritual wickedness in high places. I believe those things exist and have seen them at work in people and in society. There are times I have walked in neighborhoods ,where you actually feel the spiritual energy/vibes in the air. The feeling of desolation, apathy, violence, etc. I wondered sometimes if these places were cursed or if demonic principalities ruled over the neighborhood.
There’s times I’ve even wondered, if I was wrestling with or fighting demons. I know that Jesus saved me ,when He died on the cross for my sins,but there is a nature in me that fights against God, sometimes. The bible calls it the flesh. I’ve been thru two three deliverance sessions, in my whole life, and each one completely scared,frightened , and freaked me out. Your praying and all of a sudden you can’t control yourself, you begin shouting,screaming, or throwing objects across the room. But it doesnt feel like its really you doing it, it’s like some other force is pressuring you to do it. Could I have had a demon? Or was a demon tormenting me or attacking me?
I am a person that is non-politically correct, I prefer blunt truth, to tell others the real deal, like it is. Because of this ,this often brings out ugly and demonic behavior in others. It’s like people would prefer to live a lie and in their illusions, then Reality itself. This behavior by others; whether its indifference,dismissal, insults, argument, or a complete denial causes something within me to lash out at them. When others disrespect me or slander me, I end up repaying the favor and then some. I defend myself pretty well, because I come from an abusive background and have plenty of practice having defend myself,my thoughts,,my character,my views and who I am. But there are moments where I can be nasty , due to my temper. And after the conflict or exchange I feel gratified, but later my conscience bothers me and I begin to feel bad about the situation. It’s like an inner struggle. There are times I’d rather live in isolation like a monk, to be away from the drama,complications,and ugly behavior that comes from other people. Other times I want to be an anarchist rebel or a misanthrope because I get tired of other people’s bullshit and ways. There have been moments in my life where, I even got weary of my own flaws or wrongdoing and wondered if the world would be better off without me.
This tension within me sometimes can be like an inner torment and causes me to wonder if I’m fighting demons. I dont want to label everything a demon spirit, when there is a difference between a mental struggle and a demon spirit or devil. But I do wonder about the supernatural, I do wonder about angels, archangels,Nephilim, demons and other spirits.
The existence of the demonic spirits ,which I have never seen, causing so much trouble, grief,and havoc in people’s lives and sometimes my life, at times thru the actions of demon possessed or demon influenced people. I’ve been thru violations of my body,my spirit, my emotions and my soul by others. I’m trying to heal and to build a life of normalcy and stability, but the struggles I face within me,sometimes hinder that.
